| In a recent BBC Radio 4 interview, Sir Andrew McFarlane’s frustration was palpable. This reflected the view of many of his colleagues and family professionals about the number of parents ending up in the court system. In 2020, a report by the Family Solutions Group found the family justice system was in crisis, with the number of parents making court applications unmanageable. It is getting worse, not better. “The law provides a structure… to resolve the dispute,” said Sir Andrew, but “in the end, it is not a legal issue; it’s a relationship problem that they have.” He added: “We (the courts) are seen at the moment as the first port of call, but we should be the last resort for them (the parents) where there aren’t issues of domestic abuse or protection or safeguarding.” Simply put, many parents who go to court to resolve their children’s issues are in the wrong place and process for the real problems they need to resolve. As Sir Andrew McFarlane put it, “My feeling is that about 20% of the families who come to court to have a dispute about their children resolved would be better served by at least, first of all, trying to sort it out themselves in other ways. ” I would put the percentage much higher. Over the last couple of months alone, I have helped three couples where there were allegations and counter allegations of abuse, controlling behaviours and much more. I spent most of my time with these couples slowly and patiently addressing the underlying drivers of conflict, raising awareness, perspectives, and insights, and enabling each person to make different and better choices about how they responded to each other and the children’s needs. A person cannot change (modify, adapt) something (their behaviour, for example) that they are not aware of, so through a careful, balanced, sensitive and supportive mediation process, working with the couple together, asking some challenging questions and providing them with the support (process, emotional, psychological) it was possible to empower and motivate these parents to begin to make the changes necessary to their communication and behaviour, improving their relationship for themselves and their children. What Sir Andrew does not explicitly mention or refer to ( he refers to “other ways”- see above”) is the army of accredited family mediators in this country, who are trained, experienced and highly skilled at enabling, empowering and motivating parents in conflict to resolve and solve their issues in mediation in the way I have described, addressing the relationship issues and underlying drivers of conflict. In an age of an explosion of ‘family experts’ offering many process solutions and programmes to help and support parents in conflict, parents can be confident that family mediators are supported, regulated, and ultimately accountable to the Family Mediation Council for their standard of practice. The Government is also doing much to promote the use of family mediation with its offer of legal aid and a free Voucher scheme, but still, much more can be done to ensure that parents in conflict about their children find their way into mediation rather than court at an early stage. Much of this depends on, among other things, family solicitors, the Judiciary, and court staff making sure that parents have access to and are encouraged to enter mediation, judicially or otherwise, at an early stage. This way, these parents will find themselves in the right place, in the proper professional hands, with the right family experts trained in helping separated parents address the underlying reasons for the conflict and make the changes necessary to improve their communication and, ultimately, their relationship. With this in mind, a word also ought to be said about the benefits of using suitably trained, qualified, and experienced Divorce coaches to assist parents in this endeavour, whether working with them individually or together, in support of the mediation process or quite separate from it. This extra support can significantly increase the chances of a successful mediation process and help parents avoid court. |
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