When you are in a broken relationship, your ability to be the best parent you can be is hampered. So, separation can be a positive opportunity to have a better relationship with your children. Try not to see your child as a commodity to be bargained over. Children don’t see their childhood like this, and neither should you. Concentrate on quality, not quantity.
Be flexible and child-centred – what works for a 4-year-old will not work for a 14-year-old.
Think about the following:
- How are you going to communicate with your ex about the children?
- Can you respect differences in parenting?
- How are you going to resolve future conflicts?
- Are your fundamental child-rearing values the same?
- Can you value what the other parent has to offer?
- Are you willing to tolerate personal inconvenience to help make shared parenting work for your child/children?
- Is your child able to cope with transitions?
- What are the big events your child faces in their life, and how will you and the other parent help them through?
- What are the areas of shared parenting that make you most anxious, where do you think you will do well, and what help can you offer to the other parent?